Dare Dummies: The Will To Dare
by Clifton G. McJames
Summary: Basically, this is the movie--or, at least, it's as hokey as the movie was, anyway...check it out!


Dare Dummies: The Will To Dare A Parody by Clifton G. McJames The characters are: Matt Murdock Electra Natchios Her Dad Colin Ferrell... er, I mean, Bull's-Eye King Pin and Ralphie from "The Sopranos"  
  
The story starts with a young Matt Murdock, age 12, getting into a fight with the kid who plays A.J. on the Sopranos (Jeez, what is this? An HBO reunion?). The kid knocks him over.  
  
A.J.: Your dad's a punk!  
  
MATT: No, he's not! He likes pop rock!  
  
A.J. hits him again—hard. Matt runs away, and in the process, sees his dad, tripped out in punk style, robbing a guy.  
  
MATT: Oh, no, dad! You really are a punk!  
  
Matt runs away right into a vat of chemicals that destroys his eyesight (well, that was pretty dumb). He soon gains superhuman hearing, smelling, tasting, and touching. His dad gets killed (as all eventual super hero dads do), and Matt takes a vow never to let that kind of thing happen to anyone else.  
  
MATT: And I swear, on my father's grave...  
  
BATMAN: Hey, kid! Get your own story!  
  
In the present, every one hates Matt—he's a lawyer. In court he loses, and he and his lawyer buddy are talking on the steps of the courthouse after it's all said and done.  
  
OTHER LAWYER: Look, Matt, I don't really have a big part in this story, so what do you say—wanna get hammered tonight?  
  
MATT: Nope. I got work to do.  
  
OTHER LAWYER: Damn.  
  
The cool changing scene starts, in which Matt dresses up as the Dare Devil. Once dressed, he leaps off of a building, hoping to God that the street isn't going to be there. However, Matt does some pretty nifty flips—right into a neon sign. After his electric jolt, he lands on a building, facing down the beautiful Jennifer Garner. JEN: Die!  
  
MATT: Who're you?  
  
JEN: I am Electra Natchios!  
  
MATT: Electric Nachos? What kind of a bad guy name is that?  
  
ELECTRA: You fool! You will die!  
  
Matt and Electra get into an obviously and poorly choreographed fight scene, in which Bull's-Eye enters. Matt tries to get fresh with Electra, but she isn't having any of that; she floors him and proceeds to fight Bull's-Eye.  
  
ELECTRA: You up there! You look like that loser Colin Farrell!  
  
BULL'S-EYE: Ay, I remind meny women of him. Ay am also Eye-rish!  
  
ELECTRA: Oh. Die!  
  
They fight, she dies. Matt hurries over to her.  
  
MATT: No! My one true love—Electric! Come back!  
  
BULL'S-EYE: Whadda you mean, yer one true love? Ya just met her three seconds ageo...  
  
MATT: You will die for her! Who's your boss?  
  
BULL'S-EYE: Hmm, can't seem to remember...  
  
Matt slips him a fifty. This jolts his memory.  
  
BULL'S-EYE: Yeah, I work for the Kingpin.  
  
MATT: Kingpin...  
  
We suddenly see a large black man standing in a blue room. Matt enters.  
  
MATT: Kingpin.  
  
KINGPIN: Matt.  
  
MATT: How did you know my name?  
  
KNIGPIN: It's right there, before the colons and the line, "Kingpin." MATT: Clever.  
  
KINGPIN: They call you the man without fear.  
  
MATT: Well, I have no fear. That could be why they call me that.  
  
KINGPIN: Well, I killed your dad...now I will kill you!  
  
Matt and Kingpin get into a fight, in which Matt is tossed around like a beach ball. Kingpin takes off his mask.  
  
KINGPIN: The blind lawyer from Hell's Kitchen?  
  
MATT: That's me.  
  
KINGPIN: I should have known.  
  
MATT: How could you have known?  
  
KINGPIN: I don't know... It's just required that all bad guys say that.  
  
MATT: Oh.  
  
Matt and Kingpin get into it again, but this time, Matt wins.  
  
MATT: I won!  
  
KINGPIN: I'll get you!  
  
MATT: No, you won't! This movie was so bad, there's a big chance it won't have a sequel! It's the "Gigli" of action movies!  
  
KINGPIN: I'll get you anyway!!!!  
  
Suddenly, Bull's-Eye enters again.  
  
BULL'S-EYE: Hey, I was gypped out of a fight scene with you! We gotta take care of that first!  
  
MATT: OK.  
  
The scene suddenly changes into a church. Matt and Bull's-Eye go sit down and watch as the computer nerd who ran this dumb movie makes a really hokey CGI fight scene, in which Bull's-Eye loses. The movie continues into day, when Matt isn't Dare Devil anymore, but just plain Matt.  
  
MATT: I really miss Electric.  
  
OTHER LAWYER: You wanna talk about it?  
  
MATT: Nah...I think I'll go for a walk.  
  
OTHER LAWYER: Why do you always have something else to do when I'm in a scene with you? I get two lines! Jeez!  
  
Matt leaves and starts walking. As he walks, he narrates the end.  
  
MATT: That is my story. I am the Dare Devil. I live in Hell's Kitchen, so I protect it (Spider-Man won the coin toss for Manhattan). I also practice law and talk in a low voice so no one can hear me at all. I once was engaged to Jennifer Lopez. The square root of 36 is—  
  
Matt starts to cross the road but the traffic has the right of way so he gets run over. The end. 


End file.
